One score and 8 years ago, after I had spent some time with my future mother-in-law, Bonnie Harker, she asked me a question, evidence that we had developed a lasting bond. “Even if you and Julie don’t get married, can we still adopt you?” We have always gotten along, mostly because she had a great sense of humor, that is, she would laugh and laugh (and laugh) anytime I made any attempt at humor. Of course, she had raised Julie, and her five brothers, all of whom are irreverent, warped, and hysterical, and it has always felt like they were as much my brothers as they were Julie’s.
Bonnie was always accepting and perhaps overly encouraging of shenanigans; and, honestly, I cannot recall a time when she meddled in our lives, or was severe or critical. She definitely was not your typical mother-in-law. But she was always up for an adventure.
For example, one of our first road trips was a clandestine visit to the Parker, Idaho Cemetery one spring. In broad daylight, we cruised in, parked with the motor running, then popped the trunk, stuffed it full of the budding gypsophila (baby’s breath) that was growing wild there, then sped off before we were noticed. (There was a lot there and I’m positive the pruning improved the plants’ future growth.)
Another time, we were sitting in the living room of my in-laws house in Idaho Falls and Bonnie spied a moose and her calf (maybe two) heading into the cemetery across the street. In seconds, she had her coat on and a camera in her hands and we were running outside into the snow, trying to get a photo. Never mind that she still had curlers in her hair, there were moose to see!
Bonnie and Yale have been there for so many family events—birthday parties, blessings, baptisms, weddings, graduations, Christmas mornings—that it’s simply impossible to count. As I’ve looked through photos this past week, I really love the ones where Bonnie is playing with her grandkids, often wearing a hat, a metal bowl, a basket, or something else silly on her head.
Did I mention she was absolutely gorgeous? Back when Julie and I were dating, I looked at her mom, saw how beautifully she was aging and, since I am all about appearances, decided I needed to marry her only daughter. Best decision of my life. I am so grateful for the mother that she was and the children that she raised. They have become my dearest of friends and, while this week has been hard, I am so blessed to be with them and their dad right now.
Bonnie’s ability to remember or respond to the world around her slowly faded over the last few years due to multiple strokes. But I was able to make her laugh as we watched a basketball game just a month or so ago. The commentator had an interesting “broadcaster”voice and when I mimicked him and said something like, “That LeBron James is quite the athlete. He can take two steps and leap right out of the arena,” Bonnie chuckled at the ridiculous way I said the line. It reminded me of the time we watched Three Amigos and I would repeat parts of it in my best Mexican accent and we all laughed to the point of tears. I will miss her laughter so much.
One of the few things that have brought me some comfort this week is the thought that she has had a chance to hang out with my Dad. And he has been telling her the most terrible mother-in-law jokes imaginable. And she has laughed and laughed. First because she loves to laugh. And second, because none of the jokes have ever applied to her.
